Welcome to Hell Itachi!
by WhiteDemoness11
Summary: Another crack story for fun. Pure silliness. Kag/Itach hinted at. Itachi has found himself in Hell..with a strange visitor.
1. Welcome to Hell

WD: I AM working on my stories again, but this just wanted out NOW! Itachi/Kag

()()()()

Itachi blinked slowly. He was dead. He knew he was dead, finally at peace after a hellish term of serving his village as a double then nearly triple agent, grooming his brother..who of course then instead of protecting the said village went all ape shit idiotic.

Itachi also knew he was in hell. So why was there this beautiful woman here who was practically glittering with pure gentle power? She was curvy as one of the succubi he'd had harassing him before he chased them away the last fifty days he'd been stuck here, not to mention the incubi, tentacle demons, and various others. Itachi had learned very quickly that being attractive in hell was a very, very bad thing.

Which made the fact that this beautiful young woman flitting about in that indecently wonderful short skirt and giggling was utterly at odds with the scenes of torture and evil he'd come to feel at home with. Not surprisingly Itachi was raising in the ranks very quickly and would likely become a demon himself someday soon.

"Hi!"

Itachi fell over in shock as the girl was suddenly there, hugging the bloody maurading beast that had several times managed to rip him into small pieces before Itachi learned how to avoid in. The stranger thing came when the creature screamed like a little girl and flung her off, running like mad in the other direction making the girl toss her head back and laugh in a happy playful manner, her raven hair spilling like wings over her back. The next moment she was beside him holding out her tiny hand with a sweet smile that Itachi just couldn't trust.

Seeing his wary look Kagome giggled and smiled. "Hello, my name is Kagome. You must be new here. " With that she giggled again, waved and ran off making another demon scream.

Five days later he'd found out that her very name caused a number of demons far more evil and powerful then his ancestor could have hoped to be compared to instantly wet themselves and start stammering.

Ten an he'd learned she was an infrequent visitor to hell and apparently only answered to the Fallen themselves.

At fifteen days he'd gotten the courage to talk to her, wondering what horrible secret she had that made everyone so terrified of her and determined to risk the unthinkable to learn it for himself.

He'd been stunned beyond belief, left there blinking for nearly a week.

"Well actually I work here every so often at Satan's request, my old ally Sesshomaru recomended me. You know, hell is supposed to be torture and that means the demons can't have too much fun. I've found they really can't take someone being nice to them, once I started talking about rainbows just to see Beezlebub start twitching and crying that I was hurting him..and of course then there's those horrible love songs from when I was alive..I made several units go into anaphylatic shock from to mention the time I came down and started handing out candy for Valentines day last century.." Kagome kept basically telling him how she killed them with kindness.

Itachi had realized then what the truly horrible part was. She was so pure so sweet, and so absolutely tempered by some version of her own hell in life that she could not be corrupted. She was poison to the creatures of hell so of course Heaven let her be on the payroll to harass the denizens of hell who deserved it.

It just figured that he had a crush on her now.

He really was doomed.


	2. Death is fun!

WD: *blinks in shock* Well! I didn't expect that surge of support for my little crack fic..but seeing as a few of you are just as nuts as I am and wanted to see more..why not? Personally I always like poking at things that are strange. No Kag in this one. Later.

()()()()

For one Itachi Uchiha when he was alive his skills, cunning, and absolute ruthless behavior had made him the youngest terror to his world without having to resort to the powers of a demon sealed in him from birth. Had he chosen to live rather then attempt to help his little brother, most likely Itachi would have become far more feared then his ancestor ever managed.

However life does not work out as you expect. Not at all.

So in hell Itachi found that yes his abilities were useful, and having been tortured and killed brutally made surviving the day to day routine a little more tolerable. After all, as some of the more philosophical demons would mumble, hell was an eternity of the same. Apparently someone named Dante had pointed that out while on a visit once centuries before.

The one thing however that had Itachi now at the rank of Demon..again in impossible time, hundreds of years before it should have been possible rather then the brief two months it had taken him..rankled.

It had nothing to do with his abilities. Actually it had to do with one of the few things Itachi had always loathed and been wretched at in life.

Talking to a girl.

A bouncy overly clutzy happy sort of girl who would have never lasted even as a civilian in his homeland.

This same girl who would show up, throw herself on any strange demon with any sort of fuzzy, bizzare, or unusual characteristic..the ones with animal ears actually tended to remove them on a daily basis for her determination to rub them otherwise.

Kagome had all of the lesser,and no few higher demons scared of her. Because Itachi would actually stand there, somehow not twitching when she would giggle and babble about the latest things she'd been up to, and actually greeted her with a nod..Itachi had been feared.

One month ago when he'd actually greeted her with a curt use of her name..and she'd pounced on him with a hug and happy smile before skipping off, Itachi had found suddenly all the demons feared him for his ability to tolerate her and he'd been dragged off to be discussing new jobs he'd be getting.

So now the Uchiha prodigy crossed his arms, sulking, yes he admitted it. Glaring down at the souls writhing in the various torture cells for crimes far less then those he had committed in life as they suffered Itachi actually pouted.

He hated that his new rank and privilege came because he could just avoid snapping at or killing a mere slip of a girl.

He hated even more that because of it every time he was around here there were hundreds of eyes on them, in awe at his lack of fear. Nothing he actually did other then just stand there.

The worst part had to be however, Itachi had no idea how to actually talk to the girl rather then just listen. Or stare at her sparkling eyes..or her delicate fingers as they fluttered about with her overly enthusiastic comments...or..Blast it!

Uchiha didn't have crushes!

Far off on a nearby ledge a red haired fox demon snickered, chin on his hand as he watched Itachi fling a few burning coals at the screaming souls below him to work off his frustration. "You know lord Sesshomaru..you've really gotten twisted lately, even I wouldn't have figured out how to torture this new 'demon'."

One elegant white eyebrow raised ever so slightly was the only reply for a time. "This Sesshomaru is above you for that reason, fox."

Shippou smirked at the underlying words. Sesshomaru took his role as chief psychological torturer for Satan very seriously. Who would have thought that death would be so fun?


	3. Send out the Beast!

WD: Okay so apparently this is a new favorite.

Seriously you're all as nuts as I am!

()()()()

"Miko."

There was only one person who was ever able to get her to cease her senseless ramblings instantly and turn with a respectful smile. For just a moment there was the spark of Rin's adoring face in her presence and that alone made Sesshomaru's eyes soften. It had taken until death to learn that Rin had actually been yet another incarnation of Kagome. Once Kagome had gained Rin's memories, she'd kept that annoying behavior and mouth of hers, but not to him.

Inuyasha had taken weeks to stop twitching after her first Rin like greeting.

"Yes lord Sesshomaru?" Kagome tilted her head, her eyes crinkling up in the smile he had known so long ago. True he'd been fond of the child, letting her go when she was of age, but it was nice to know that later on she'd remembered him and sought him out just to be near him. The trust was as touching now when they were dead as it had ever been.

"There is someone I would like you to speak with.." Kagome raised an eyebrow, not questioning him per se but curious.

Sesshomaru held out to her a small package, making Kagome giggle.

"You are evil my lord."

Sesshomaru's smirk bloomed with a soft Hnn as he waited for Kagome to snatch away the sweets, devouring them as if they were oxygen. He had a few minutes before the sugar took effect, long enough to set her on her path.

"Are you aware of the history of some of the newer...filth?" The last word made Kagome full out laugh, it was an innocent delighted tone. Sesshomaru still couldn't acknowledge once humans as becoming demons. Sesshomaru didn't mind when Kagome did this either, he knew it was because in a way she agreed. Demons like the ones in hell truly had no honor, and were often rather hideous.

"Forgive me Sesshomaru, but no I don't..not really."

Sesshomaru nodded, knowing that Kagome was waiting for her instructions to help her torment the denizens of hell in her way. "James is terrified of someone touching his hair- "

"Makeover! I'll grab Jakotsu!" Kagome chimed in instantly, knowing Sesshomaru wouldn't bother to correct her. Not with the sugar beginning to take effect.

"Monica has issues about people not appreciating her 'beauty'.."

"Oh! Jakotsu for that one to, we can compliment her on funny things until she wants to shave her head! Last time we started arguing over how cute nail fungus was on different toes and they screamed after only four minutes..."

Sesshomaru couldn't quite help the twitch of his lips to that one. "I believe there is also Itachi with his discomfort around girls.."

Kagome instantly got that ever so hyper sugar induced giggly smile that made even the once western lord shiver a bit. "Oh! Itachi needs cuddles!" With that fully into her childish mode, and ever so much like his Rin for a moment, Kagome sped off.

Sesshomaru waited until she was gone to smirk slowly. The most fun with setting Kagome on someone, was how the after effects would fester until they would destroy themselves. A tactic not so unlike using his acidic poison on a victim.

Going back to his office Sesshomaru began checking the status of tortured souls just as the first screams melded with the laughter of Kagome and Jakotsu.

It was worth it to be a lord in hell.

"Hn..cuddles indeed, Kagome...."

For miles around souls trembled in fear and hid as the soft melodious sound of Lord Sesshomaru's chuckles whispered about.


	4. Pervert!

WD: Ah what the heck. I'm getting tons of reviews and we all need a laugh. Back to Itachi..XD and another weird idea..

()()()()()

Jakotsu currently was eyeing Itachi with a purr in his voice. "Oh but aren't you just delicious looking! Almost as cute as my sweet puppy.."

Itachi had his arms crossed, safely out of reach by using his chakra to hang from a rock outcropping above one of the blazing puts upside down. He was trying to pretend he couldn't hear the man.

"Though my puppy has the most adorable ears..and oh his face when he's angry.."

Nope couldn't hear him..

"..nothing on his oh my gods Jakotsu what are you trying to stick THERE?! face though.."

...okay that brought on some disturbing ideas.

"..You should have seen the time I decided to try a live octopus.."

Itachi couldn't help it. He shuddered.

"Though I still say the rat was the stranger one, but the things you do for experiences with loved ones hmm?"

Okay now that had him turning a bit green.

Finally Jakotsu winked to Kagome, who was waiting with her hands pressed over her mouth for her cue and bouncing a little in place.

"Mmm...now though really...I'd say the star fish was the most...squirm inducing..he blushed for weeks!"

Itachi just couldn't maintain his focus and dropped, flipping in midair to land carefully with a look of disgust at the man..Right before something tackled him with a flutter of a skirt and had arms around him before he could react.

"Jakotsu! Stop telling those stories! You'll scare Itachi and he's too cute for that!"

Itachi promptly fainted.

Kagome giggled and jumped her fist in the air. "Yes! I finally got him!"

Jakotsu patted her on the head as the sweet miko walked off with him giggling, on the end of her sugar high. "You know Jakotsu when you talk about the things you and Inuyasha dare each other to eat they all turn funny colors!"

Jakotsu just smirked and wiggled his eyebrows. "That my dear Kagome, is the mark of a pervert."


	5. Fumes

WD: Thank YuriFan5 for this one. I find inspiration in funny locations.

()()()()()

Jaken was sitting next to Kagome, munching on various beetles as they watched one of their favorite games. Again it was a remnant of Kagome's incarnation of Rin that upon death she'd become very fond of Jaken.

"At least the screaming stopped."

"Ahh but girl! Truly the screams of that hanyou suffering by the horribly dressed human is music to our lord's ears though he's so far away!"

Kagome giggled at Jaken's comments. She'd found out that Jaken was a bit fashion obsessed and with his hero worship of Sesshomaru..well there was simply no one who Jaken found well dressed or attractive by comparison. She shrugged a little. "The screaming hurts my ears Jaken. Besides, how often can it continue? It's always the same.."Oh my Inupuppy!".."

Jaken barged in at that point with a high pitched mock feminine voice..for Inuyasha that made Kagome's nose wrinkle in a laugh. "Feh I'm not your puppy you psycho!"

"Aww but Inu daaaahliiing!"

There was a few moments of silence, Jaken and Kagome turned away from each other to see the twitching forms of their mockery standing not far away. As if on cue Kagome and Jaken both started laughing so hard they were forced to clutch their sides. Jaken actually rolling off the jagged cliff edge to the pit below. Kagome wasn't worried it was not exactly the first time. Nothing would want to try to eat Jaken anyways.

"Feh! That's not funny wench!!" Inuyasha's ears were glued to his head and Kagome just giggled with a shrug. She saw Jakotsu sneaking up behind Inuyasha and just had to distract him.

"Why of course it is Inuyasha. Remember that contest you two had about the grossest thing you could eat? Well Jakotsu was telling Itachi about it and for some reason he fell from where he was hanging upside...down..?" Kagome trailed off as Jakotsu's plan to get the ears failed when a furious and very bright red Inuyasha whirled to yell at the cross dresser.

"You used the pervert speech!?"

"Now Inupuppy you know you loooove meee!"

Kagome grinned as the two resumed fighting, with Inuyasha furious as ever. Really Jakotsu never did get a clue. Feeling a little bored however as her sugar crash left her a touch irritable Kagome hopped down from the rocks, easily navigating the familiar terrain. "Mmm..I wonder if Itachi is ..eep!" Kagome jumped, feeling a cold sword against her neck. Heedless of the danger Kagome turned, curious who was actually daring to do such a thing to her.

Red eyes with black tomoes whirling met her gaze and she giggled. "Itachi!"

Itachi blinked, then pulled back, his sword falling uselessly as she bounced a little.

"Hello? Itachi?..you all right?"

"....."

Kagome tilted her head and sighed. "I broke Itachi." With that she turned to go find one of her other demon companions, never knowing that Itachi's eyes had glazed over and he had the barest hint of a blush because of the attention she'd drawn to her assets with the bouncing.

"Oh! I know I'm going to go skinny dipping with Sango and Kagura!"

Somewhere behind her there was another Itachi shaped impression in the ground. Shaking his head in dissapointment Miroku looked down at Itachi. "I see you have a lot to learn..but I'll discuss that when you are conscious...and there are not three lovely delicate maidens who need spying on! Ahh if only I had more cursed hands..."

Itachi was just awake enough to wonder what was in the fumes that made everyone so psychotic around here.


	6. Hot springs

WD: Warning. Nosebleeds ahead. Because I have random pervy moments and I realized there are guys reading this too.

()()()()()

"Oh Gods Sango yes!!!" Kagura moaned, head flung back as she arched backwards with a tiny mewl before she sunk back into the hot springs quivering. "Ohh..ohhhh...that..that felt.."

Kagome giggled from where she was helping a very buxom succubus wash her back since the wings always got in the way. "Kagura..you are such a screamer."

"Mmm..I know, makes me wanna go over there and just nibble all over her.." The demoness said with a smirk, a few others around who were enjoying the hot springs also laughing. Kagura snickered and flushed a bit but leaned back further into Sango's fingers.

"Can I help it that Sango's got the magic touch when you wreck muscles? Mmm..."

"Sounds like you two are going at it though.."

"Hah! Kagura wishes..then she'd get free massages." Sango said with a cheeky grin. She actually adored that Kagura was so vocal, it meant she was getting the muscles the right way and seeing as anyone within ear shot would think it was a massive lesbian orgy going on..the boys stayed away.

No one interrupted succubi and lived.

That was after all why they had them join them. Kagome was the one who figured out the sex demonesses really couldn't reach between their wings and often had sore backs from how large their chests were. That and they all needed girl talk.

"So Sango, MMmmm..yessssss...ah, Purgatory shut down again?"

Sango sighed and nodded, resuming her ministrations on Kagura's neck. "You have got to stop going after those incubus Kagura! There's so many bite marks I have to go around to get your muscles...what were you going at it on? Rocks?"

"Don't remember, don't care, it was great."

Kagome giggled, shaking her head as she switched to brushing the succubus's hair. They came in all different colors, some with horns, some with extra limbs..and all of them were drop dead gorgeous and when you got to talk to them, very nice actually. They just made nymphomaniacs look like cold dead fish. It meant they were always up for..and needing..a bath.

"What happened to Purgatory this time Sango?" Kagome lifted a brow as Kagura had resumed being a moaning pile of uselessness so far as conversation. Miroku, Sango, and a few of the others had killed too much and done too many crimes to get into heaven but nor had they deserved hell. They were quite happy serving as officials in Purgatory. Sango sighed heavily. "Well..perverted soul came in..and I reverted to an old habit, hit the gate and bent it so badly we had to lock it all down until we fix it. We decided coming here was more entertaining then being stuck inside with nothing to do."

Kagome giggled, then suddenly found herself between a very large pair of breasts as the demoness she'd been helping hugged her. "Thank you!! Ugh that scratch back there was just so..oops air dearie?" Kagome gasped, nodding and waiting to stop turning blue.

Then ...

noses twitched.

The miko found herself suddenly staring at the faces of three succubi who had their eyes glinting in amusement.

"Our little miko smells like a man...who did you contact?"

"EH!?"

()()()()

Somewhere not so far away Miroku was slowly climbing the rock face that would lead him to the hot springs and wailing. "Why cant any of my demon friends be perverted enough to fly me there??"

Another scream of "SANGO!! YES~!" and our poor monk began to sob. "It's just not fair!"


	7. Rules

WD: Go vote in the poll for the story you want updated next. I will announce when it changes but after this story comes Paying for her sins..and then whichever story has more votes will be next. I have to say thank you to Sasuke() for correcting my spelling in the last chapter. I need to go back and fix it but it's nice to have the help. I write this after a very long work day and before bed so my brain is not at it's best.

Perhaps that's why it's so full of nonsense. :)

Anyone else feel like picking on Sasuke?

()()()()()()

"Ah...er..I don't.." Kagome was stammering now, aware that the succubi and even Kagura and Sango were surrounding her. They wanted to know why Kagome smelled like a man they didn't know.

"Mm..must be an assignment..but you never hug a male more then once who isn't your dead companions.." The blue skinned succubus leaned down to sniff at Kagome's wrist, then snickered.

"Smells like crow..and blood. Lots of blood.."

"Crow?" One of the others piped up.

"Mm. Not in the blood, but a bond.."

Sango nodded at that. "Like Kirara and I?"

"Yes."

During all this Kagome had managed to wriggle past them all as they began to argue about who could have a crow familiar.

Thankful that being dead meant some things were easy, like just wishing to be dressed and you were..Kagome got out of there.

Running to the edge of the cliff she paused for only a minute before diving off, arms outspread. It wasn't like the fall would hurt for long and it was a lot less scary then handling the questions. On the way down she blinked, seeing Miroku wailing about things not being fair and having missed the action.

Well at least that was normal.

Closing her eyes Kagome prepared for the pain-fleeting though it would be of impact.

It never came.

With an eep Kagome opened her eyes..and met the black orbs of a mini Itachi.

"Hello?"

Sasuke blinked at her, then grimaced and promptly dropped her on her backside. "Boring."

"HEY!" Kagome stood up with her hands on her hips, rescue from a mini death ignored. "What was that for buddy??"

"You are what they are all so afraid of?" Sasuke eyed her, so full of himself that Kagome bet she could poke him with a needle and ego would leak out.

"So what if I am?"

"You're pathetic."

Kagome waited all of two seconds before she kneed him right where it hurt before his eyes could register the movement, pleased to see him fall down gasping in pain.

"Rule number one, Duck ass for hair..Newly dead are always weaker then long dead. Rule number two.." Here Kagome grinned and leaned over him, looking deceptively sweet.

"Angels kick demented souls ass every day." With that she walked right over him, humming a little. "Oh..I wonder if Itachi's snapped out of it yet?..."

Sasuke stayed curled up behind her, whimpering for his mommy. He vaguely heard the wench call back over her shoulder.

"Welcome to hell Duck Ass!"


	8. Chicken

WD: Remember you control the updates Via my poll.

Actually paying for her sins is scheduled next but to make up for throwing it out of order it will be longer. These easy ones snap out right before bed.

Contained within this story:

Cussing, oddities, perversions..and Sasuke torture.

Which equals some minor Kag/Itachi moments.

Enjoy.

()()()()()

Itachi was currently sparring.

That is if you could call removing the er...tentacles..from a very disturbing blob that kept coming after him drooling about 'bishonen'...sparring.

Itachi preferred to think of it as planting explosives around the area.

Really he hated being attractive in hell. It just wasn't safe.

That and the psychotherapists just seemed to always be on vacation.

"Hi Itachi!"

Itachi felt an eyebrow twitch and in mid-dodge glanced over at Kagome. The annoying girl had just hopped down and was about to say something with a smile when she suddenly went extremely pale.

Odd.

She seemed...terrified.

Had he finally made an impression?

"Te..te..tent...a..EEEEK!" Kagome suddenly turned tail and ran off, the blob ignoring him finally and giving chase.

For a long time..about three seconds, Itachi stood there shocked.

Then something the perverted monk who had taken to annoying him lately finally came back to him.

Tentacle monsters had a thing for girls in school uniforms.

Kagome usually was in a tiny green and beige school uniform.

Sighing Itachi rolled his eyes and decided he would go help. For no reason other then to have the annoying hug beast in his debt of course.

Ignoring the nagging snicker in the back of his head chanting 'denial' Itachi began to move at a purely inhuman speed. The blob thing tended to be rather fast even if it did have disturbing modes of transportation.

So naturally he was surprised to find Kagome sitting not far away quite content and swinging her legs with a little annoying song.

Standing next to her, all right so maybe it was more a loom with the patented Uchiha stare of demented tortures planned..

It was very hard to be imposing when your target grinned up at you.

"Hey do you know someone who looks like you but wears a duck ass on his head?"

Once again for those evil three seconds -which was forever in ninja time- Itachi was stunned.

"Sasuke. He should not be dead."

Kagome waved her hand with a giggle. "Oh that! You're still thinking like you have a pulse. Time is warped around here, as long as they die after you do everyone who will be dead is here or heaven or limbo -somewhere- you just never run into them. Hell's a really big place you know, and they all have a lot of levels. Then you have the separate departments depending on religion..every so often we get to have the realm crusades which is basically a bunch of the zealous idiots screaming about their god or gods or great purple potato...don't laugh I swear there was a cult to them here. Anyways they have a big stupid blood bath and we all take bets, then people get back in line. Sometimes people get bored enough to fight between Heaven, Limbo, and Hell. Usually though it's just the different hells fighting."

Itachi blinked.

"You talk alot."

Kagome grinned up at him again. "And you are as anal and vocally challenged as well as disturbingly homicidal as you are pretty. I'm used to that though. So, you know Duck ass?"

"Hn. He's my little brother." Itachi sat next to her at that point, vaguely amused as well as filing away all the information. He also didn't miss the sudden loss of color in the girl's face.

"Ah..brother?..Er...you aren't fond of Ass ..I mean, Sasuke are you?"

"....I committed unspeakable acts of treason and murder for his sake, as well as dying."

Kagome gulped, then looked nervous. "So Um..I shouldn't have led the tentacle monster to him?"

Itachi stared at her.

Then the great legendary missing nin who terrified multiple generations..doubled over in laughter.

"Serves him right for going ape shit and being a moron. Besides I believe he had...issues with females."

Kagome giggled again. "Remind me to introduce him to Jakotsu."

Itachi gave her a puzzled look and she smiled. "The one who talked about the funny stuff he ate, what Inuyasha calls the pervert speech."

Itachi nodded. Then seemed stunned.

He'd just had a conversation with the girl!!

Kagome was suddenly there, leaning into his face and smiled.

"You're blushing. Cute!"

Itachi grumbled, looking away and vehemently denying with his very body language that he was anything resembling cute.

"Cute like a crazy person who kills happily and then goes to paint his nails but cute."

Itachi lifted a brow at that but was silenced hearing a bloodcurdling scream from what could only be his brother.

"Ooh! It found the Duck Ass!"

"Don't talk about my little brother like that."

"Ah, sorry! Sorry! You just.." Kagome was cut off suddenly by Itachi's evil grin.

"Chicken is far more accurate."

This time Kagome doubled over in laughter.


	9. Tainting?

WD: *shrugs* This one has no real point or make any sense but it was amusing for me.

()()()()()()

"Tentacle monsters?!" Inuyasha blurted out, staring at Kagome as she currently was weaving poisonous flowers into a wreath for Jaken.

"Mmmhmm.."

"When did you get evil? You're a fuckin angelic for hell's sake!" Inuyasha was now waving his arms around in annoyance. Really he didn't have calm moods anymore since here in hell his hanyou blood dominated completely, including jagged face marks and red eyes. Kagome still found him adorable.

"It's not evil Inuyasha! Really he was mean to me, and everyone knows not to be pretty in hell. He could have run away but clearly Chicken ass decided he was big man and could take them on." Kagome giggled at that point, then lifted a brow at him with a cute smile.

Grumbling Inuyasha ran his talons through his hair, but couldn't help and wonder how much of this behavior of hers that was so twisted at points, was from Kikiyo.

...Okay that was a dumb question.

"Miko." The cold baritone from Sesshomaru made Inuyasha land on all fours, snarling but not challenging as his demonic instincts took full control around his elder brother who actually pet him on the head in approval.

Kagome smiled up at Sesshomaru with adoration. "Yes my terrible lord?"

Sesshomaru nodded his head then gestured back the direction his palace was. "You have been slacking off due to socializing with this Itachi. Either torment him or ignore him, you are not here to befriend your prey Miko."

Kagome sighed but nodded, she knew what he was really saying, she would have to return to heaven for a while. She'd felt it lately, getting more malicious, less concerned and well, less happy. She was being tainted and when that happened she would be pulled back to heaven.

"I understand my lord, I'll return when I'm back to myself. Please forgive me..would you give this to Jaken?" She held up the wreath hopefully, but pouted when he simply destroyed it with his whip.

"Go."

Kagome sighed but then waved to them both as she turned, vanishing in the least showy way..usually there was blinding light, glitter and angel feathers if not music and petals when one of heaven traveled. Not Kagome, she simply vanished.

Sesshomaru nudged the destroyed blossoms with a frown as they tried to wrap around his foot to strangle him. Yes Kagome had been tainted far more swiftly this time. He suspected her latest prey was part of that.

Interesting.

()()()()()()

Heaven sucked.

Kagome huffed as she blew on her bangs to get them out of her eyes, currently in a pure white version of her miko robes. The wings seriously were annoying.

White and pink, huge and exceptionally fluffy..they caused oohs and awws and no endless amount of people trying to pet them.

They were heavy, awkward, and though she liked to fly they just made her leave sparkling fluff everywhere so she tended to do it rarely. It was also why she didn't bring them out in hell, in hell her wings made her an instant target and no one would fear her. No, the hatred for angels was just too strong.

Of course there was the tainted few black feathers in the midst ..thanks Kikiyo. Sheeeesh.

Hmm...

It was interesting though, usually it took a lot longer to taint her. Now that she was back in heaven Kagome was appalled at her recent actions.

Well...

Chicken should have been nicer to her.

Really!!

Oh who was she kidding..sometimes...just sometimes..Hell seemed so much more fun.

"That's not a good way to think, Kagome." Midoriko said from beside her.

Oh joy, call out the exemplary miko who hated youkai anyways unless they were serving her..Ow!

Midoriko lowered her hand from where she'd lightly tapped Kagome on the head. "I can hear your thoughts, Kagome. You have accustomed too much to being in hell. Come, we shall meditate.."

Midoriko lifted her lip in distaste at the slight staining upon Kagome's wings and the increase of black there. If it was the last thing she did, she would remove Kagome's vestiges of hell from her being to the point she no longer sought the company of youkai. It was beneath one who served the gods.

A glimpse of Kagome's most recent 'friend' with chilling red eyes only made Midoriko more determined. She didn't need to be tempted to fall. Kagome had no idea it was a possibility as it were, and thankfully her youkai 'pets' were too found of the miko to suggest it to her.

Disgusting things that they were.

()()()()()()()

Itachi had to admit it, he was amused. Sasuke was flinching whenever he heard something slither. Itachi'd been following him for the two weeks now since Kagome had sent the tentacle creatures after him and really, the more he got to observe of his ..surprisingly aged brother..the more he was glad he had not stopped her.

"Idiot."

Itachi was not pleased. He suffered, massacred the clan, taunted and harassed Sasuke to give him the means to strive for more strength..and what did Sasuke do?...

Be a bigger idiot then Itachi could have imagined. Sasuke's power was twisted and borrowed, demented power that had nothing to do with the ability to wield it.

In truth he really was a chicken, far too afraid to achieve power the right way.

"Idiot."

"I CAN FREAKING HEAR YOU ITACHI! GET DOWN HERE YOU-"

Itachi tuned out the frantic screaming. Really, had Sasuke never learned any manners from their mother or just been hit in the head enough times now to forget them? He was going for the later.

"Damn it you jerk you died!" Sasuke said, suddenly before Itachi. The elder Uchiha blinked his eyes slowly.

"You're dead as well, little brother."

"But I took Konoha with me!"

Itachi just looked at him again, then turned away, smirking as he knew Sasuke would be furious. Sure enough the kunai came at him, and was stopped by a flare of Itachi's power.

"Pathetic really Sasuke..do buildings really put up the only sort of fight you can handle?"

"Well..well..."

Itachi groaned. Sasuke still couldn't handle a decent comeback?

"......have you seen a girl in a too short skirt with a giant mouth?"

"Kagome."

"Yeah I think that was the sluts name."

Itachi paused, then looked over. Hm. A girl beat Sasuke and now he was interested? He should have left him tied up for the fangirls when he was alive.

"You do realize insulting her caused the ...encounter?"

Sasuke paled several shades. "THAT BITCH!"

Itachi leaned over..and flicked Sasuke's forehead.

"Now Sasuke..stop insulting your betters."

"She's no one! I'm an Uchiha."

Itachi sighed then, turning and walking away. "Sadly..yes."

"WHAT'S THAT MEAN?!"

Itachi smirked then before whistling and pointing behind him...sending the succubi after him. Amusingly enough when he'd idly suggested they wash Sasuke's mouth out with soap they'd been all too pleased, hearing what he'd said about their playmate Kagome now..he doubted Sasuke would stop coughing up soap bubbles for the next ten years.

Hmm...where -was- Kagome anyways?..

....and could taking someone to watch souls writhing in one of the pits be considered a date here?

Not that he was considering taking a girl out.

No.

....

Yes.

"Damn it Uchiha do not have crushes!!!"

Even Itachi had to admit that was pretty pathetic sounding.


	10. Denial in heaven

WD: Ahhh!! Thanks Angelicatt for reminding me about darling Kaede!!!

()()()()()()

"Owwww...Midoriko SUCKS!" Kagome huffed, unable to move as she just lay, painfully, on her giant fluffy wings.

"Mm..she just wants what is best for ye child." Kaede said as she walked over with a soft smile. Kaede..was simply gorgeous here. Kagome'd never been able to see her adult form. One eyed though she was, Kaede had made a more beautiful woman then either Kagome or Kikiyo. It really stunk that she'd never gone and fallen in love. Who knew?

Inuyasha would give birth to a cat in shock if he ever found out what a looker the 'old hag' had been.

"No, she wants what she THINKS is best for me." Kagome huffed then pulled her wings back into her body, rolling onto her belly to smile at the sweet miko. "She doesn't like Youkai."

Kaede shrugged, she never went around with her wings if she could help it either. Kagome had to admit she loved Kaede's silver wings, they were lovely and understated..just like the miko she still saw as a grandmotherly figure even if she looked more like a model in miko clothing.

"She had no reason to child, she saw only the darkness in them, the evil she could sense."

"Yeah yeah I'm a product of my time." Kagome pouted then before looking up at Kaede with a strange light to her blue eyes. "Kaede...does a soul always make similar mistakes?"

Kaede tilted her head at that before nodding. "It is considered so, that is why it is so hard to step off the wheel of reincarnation. Which of yours are ye referring to?" It was said without any judgment so Kagome couldn't be mad at the question.

"Why did I..Kikiyo, Rin, myself..always fall for demons?"

Kaede laughed then and reached out to fondle Kagome's hair.

"Need you ask that child? Ye were meant and born for the Shikon, that is why when you banished it ye stepped off the wheel..your soul's purpose done. Ye need the dark of a demon to feel whole, as ye always bore the burden of a demonic jewel. Have ye gone and lost your heart again?"

"NOoooO!" Kagome waved her hands emphatically but then smiled. "I just was wondering..why is it I'm so at home in hell?"

Kaede hid a knowing smile and just shrugged. "Ye never were normal..in any lifetime, child."

Kagome tried to pout, but couldn't help it as she fell into giggles.

"Yeah..I guess not. Want to hear about my newest friend?"

Kaede nodded her head, though she couldn't help but wonder if Kagome's new 'friend' had any idea what trouble he was in for when the tiny time traveling miko oddity had dubbed him as such. It wasn't like you could ever convince her otherwise.

Nor did she think this Itachi would really mind...not if he brought so much playfulness back to the miko who was comfortable walking in hell.

Kaede chuckled though, watching Kagome flounder about with her wings. Some versions of heaven were extremely austere, but Kagome's section of heaven was all glitter and pure..it reflected just how incredible the girl's soul really was.

Perhaps it was all the more amusing that Kagome herself disliked her own Heaven. Kaede grinned there, her own version was simple, practical, utterly boring. However the 'Rin' inside Kagome insisted on lovely fluff..

She imagined that all the years of living as Kikiyo, then in her shadow under Inuyasha that all unknowing Kagome found comfort in the fairytale like heaven she created.

Deny it as much as she wanted.

"Ahh! Kaede! Heeellp I'm stuck in the marshmellow stuff!"

Kaede snickered once more before going to help pull Kagome free.


	11. Not jealous

I just wanted to extend my thanks to those who helped with the voting for those two days. It really meant a lot to me. I have removed those chapters so they do not interfere with reading through for newcomers.

To those who wrote negative commentary I do have to ask why? After all I hadn't updated in a while, my life is crazy busy and as I wanted some assistance I figured the fair thing to do was offer an exchange. I will be honest otherwise I would still not have updated these stories for a good four months as my life is absolute chaos and I am lucky to get any sleep some days. If you did not wish to participate you did not need to even say anything, just delete the message. I clearly marked the updates as author's notes.

For those of you so kind I really do appreciate it. I hope you enjoy the stories as I get them all posted, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Seeing how many of you helped out and sent me messages of such was enough to make up for some late nights to get these to you.

~WD

()()()()()()

Itachi was fairly sure that boredom was one of hell's special tortures. He also was fairly certain that never before had it been such a danger to his sanity, before..

"KAGOME!"

..well so much for being bored. With a cocky smirk the once ninja stood, going to leap over the massacred forms he had been sparring with for an attempt to keep his skills from rusting. That bellow came from the dog eared moron if he recalled..one who had taken to constantly stomping around and huffing with his arms crossed whenever Itachi was near. Jakotsu..as much as the ninja disliked his apparent fascination with Itachi's own figure, was at least a useful source of information.

He was used to now, the constant heights he could jump from without breaking, far more impressive then when he'd been mortal. The faint dust cloud was smaller then the last time he'd leapt off the cliff as well he noticed and turned one eyebrow up at the sight of the snarling hanyou, blushing nonetheless.

"Shit Kagome did you HAVE to wear that crappy thing?"

Itachi turned fully, and blinked, not really certain what the hanyou's issue was. Kagome was in a rather eyeblinding orange and yellow checkered kimono, her hair in a low ponytail and longer then he recalled. He also noticed she seemed more gentle and calm, just smiling at the hanyou with her hands folded infront of her.

"It makes -me- happy."

The hanyou snarled then and crossed his arms. "Still can't fucking believe you're all three of the brats.."

Kagome giggled then, not bothered at all by his language and turned to Itachi with a serenity and joy to her that made him more on edge then ever. Where was the force of nature he'd gotten used to?

"Itachi? Is something wrong?"

"You look pretty."

It wasn't a compliment, and judging by the angry flush to Kagome's once placid features and the hanyou's bark of laughter they understood what he wasn't saying. She looked like she was forcing herself.

Kagome huffed then, her arms crossing rather like the brash hanyou near her. "They don't let me out until I'm all calm and mellow and sparkling personality.."

Inuyasha grinned wickedly. "Hey scaredy cat.." this was directed at Itachi who tried to hide the twitch of his eyebrow. Really...what a pathetic nickname.

"We have this game with Kags, see who can get her back to her real personality fastest...think you can beat any of us? Record is three days.."

Itachi couldn't help the surge of adrenaline as his eyes turned red and narrowed at the challenge. The prodigy had never backed down. He looked at Kagome silently, noticing the way she tilted her head childishly and thought carefully to all the things he'd learned about the female before he smirked..not paying attention to the way the hanyou and miko took a step back at the sight.

"Kagome. I dealt with Sasuke, where is my hug?"

There was a moment of dead silence before Kagome gave a laugh and flung her arms around him. "What did you do to him?"

Itachi patted her on the head, waiting for her to seem thrilled before he deadpanned. "I was to do something?"

The resulting shriek made Itachi's ears ring but at least then he was too deaf to hear her tirade. Smirking he looked at the stunned hanyou and held up one finger.

The hanyou turned with a huff, wondering how the new demon had figured Kagome out so well.

Not that he was jealous or anything.


	12. Courted

For Roo.

()()()()()()

Sasuke narrowed his eyes as he watched his brother just stand there, looking calm and at peace while the woman in the strange outfit yelled at him. Itachi never tolerated that, and it reminded Sasuke of the pinkette that had been his teammate...that was scary.

But then a closer look, and he saw that the ranting on the part of the female was apparently more playful, evidenced by the light shove she gave to Itachi's shoulder before she backed away..

Itachi's look of peace infuriated Sasuke.

Sasuke, being the little brother he was, decided whatever Itachi had...he wanted.

()()()()

Kagome came to a stop, still in her orange and yellow checkered kimono, ponytail askew and threw her arms around Sesshomaru's waist, nuzzling into his chest as if she was a little girl..or a youkai pup. As there was no one whom would dare comment the great once lord of the west wrapped his arm around her shoulders and rumbled at her contently. Kagome had much of Rin in her still, and when she had become Kagome in the afterlife, there was still respect and adoration for the lord who had saved her, but it was tinged with the boldness of the miko and she felt free to express her adoration.

Sesshomaru didn't bother hiding how much he enjoyed it, if you knew how to read him. Had he been a lesser youkai he'd have been grinning.

"Sesshomaru-sama..." the lilting chant that came from Kagome melted the ice of the golden gaze, and Sesshomaru gently ran his claws through her hair, grooming her as it were. Not for the first time Sesshomaru reminded himself that had his little hug monster been someone other then Rin, whom he would always see as a daughter, he would have kept her at his side these days. Still, she had been Rin, and thus Kagome in a sense would always be his pup.

"Stop playing with the ninja."

Kagome looked up, blue eyes dancing in almost unholy childish defiance. "Nuh uh. He's fun.."

"He taints you too quickly."

Kagome tilted her head, understanding that Sesshomaru hated when she had to leave to regain her angelic nature and spend time away from him.

"Can't you train him then?"

Sesshomaru lifted a brow, she knew fully well that his idea of training killed souls at times, permanently. Kagome never suggested that for any soul...

Interesting.

"Get him to agree...and if he survives a day I will."

Kagome's eyes lit up and she bounced, grabbing hold of his hair hard to yank Sesshomaru's cheek to her lips and giggled as she ran off. "Thank you Sesshomaru-sama!"

Yes she'd become bold in this afterlife, but Sesshomaru couldn't say he minded..even if it DID pull out his hair.

He wondered if Itachi had any idea he was being courted?


	13. Heart

Tantrums.

Itachi hated them. His brother had thrown them, his so called friends and teammates seemed to live off them...

Yet from Kagome..

Itachi repressed a smirk as he watched her rant and rail at the little toad demon that liked to follow her around. The kappa was vaguely amusing but seeing the way it would look alternately adoringly or disgusted at Kagome..

He had grasped bits and pieces of conversation over the time (he had no idea if it was months or years, Dante had put the monotony of Hell rather accurately) he had been aware in this place. Kagome had held a number of reincarnations, but three had apparently been the most notable. A stick up her ass priestess rather like his own cold persona, a sweet ditzy little girl child with unwavering loyalty who had lived unchanging as a child for nearly four decades before she died from a common illness..some side effect of a ritual she'd gone through..which now that he thought of it greatly explained the cheerful and moody childlike behavior of the latest and thus dominant soul. Kagome.

Oh there was a shadow to her eyes that he knew was from the priestess, and great power that had been held by all three, though from the little he'd learned from the perverted monk it seemed being trapped as a child and coping with the after effects of a demon blade had kept her powers rather sealed that time around. It was Kagome though, the ditzy and heart on her sleeve like a child but frighteningly powerful and stubborn like an aged warrior that Itachi found himself drawn to.

Unlike many though he really had no issue accepting she was multiple people who had once existed in the same soul, each a filter. A mask as it were, much as he had held for all of his lives. Perhaps it was why when she would change subtly on her visits it never really perturbed him and he didn't think of them as separate persons, just Kagome.

He had been Itachi when he lied to his clan, slaughtered them to protect his village, lied to the evil mastermind he worked for to learn what needed to be done..and tainted his soul blacker with every monstrous deed to protect family he later learned was to embroiled by hate to help him out. Damned little siblings and messing up things..

Finally though as he watched Kagome place a carefully made chain of flowers she'd smuggled down from heaven and shone like blue droplets of water captured upon the kappa's head with an affection filled smile, he couldn't help but smirk.

Jaken's tearful exclamations about her doing such childish and embarrassing things didn't fool anyone.

Kagome glanced over at Itachi with a giggle and felt her face flush as she recognized the smolder to his eyes. She wasn't sure precisely why, since his eyes were more hungry for her smiles and affection then a physical relationship..but that made her like seeing him all the more. Kagome had always loved giving her heart to others after all..maybe this time she'd get one back.


	14. A little 'chat'

For Roo.

()()()()()()()()()()()())()()()()()()

Itachi stared at the imposing Daiyoukai as he stood towering over him, the epitomie of control, of power. Of piss yourself in fright because he's looking at me.

"This Sesshomaru did not ask, he commanded you go to the arena to train, whelp."

Sesshomaru smirked as the prodigy took off like crazy. Even seemingly emotionless Uchiha knew better then to risk his wrath here. Kikiyou had been no one to him, Rin a daughter, Kagome a fighting companion as much trouble as aid..still for the once daughter he had, turned into now his spiritual ward he would interrogate Itachi to see his worth for his little miko.

Sesshomaru's form of interrogation of course, as Inuyasha and so many fallen in battle could attest meant beating the shit out of you.

Not just anyone was good enough for his little miko after all, there was a reason he gave her sugar before setting her loose..he wanted to scare away any who considered going near his little angel.

For a moment Sesshomaru allowed his brow to twitch, after all back when she was his brother's potential mate..though they never did go through with it, he had considered courting the lovely miko. That had of course ceased the moment he knew she had once been his child which still gave him pause at times. And had resulted in a wee bit of an overprotective streak. Most fathers had a sharpened sword or shotgun.

Sesshomaru had a poison flower claw and acid whip, though for Itachi he figured the full transformation just may be necessary.

With a smug smirk the killing perfection sauntered off to go dole out a little...conversation.


	15. Keep

Slowly the white haired predator circled his prey. Itachi would throw jitsu's, fires, various demonic powers from his tengu blood he'd received upon forming in Hell..desperately trying to keep the flickering whip at bay. He'd learned the hard way that it ate through his sword and had thrown the useless blade away..really there wasn't more then a hilt left as the whip had struck several places at once. He moved so fast most youkai wouldn't even be able to see him, his feet never both touching down at the same time. Yet still he could not break free from Sesshomaru's circle, growing ever closer, ever more dangerous.

With every centimeter he closed in, the injuries increased on the once missing-nin.

Finally, utterly exhausted and beyond his limit Itachi took a desperate move and lunged into the whip's path, though it threw him aside leaving bleeding oozing welts that had cut through flesh into bone, cauterizing as it damaged.

Sesshomaru eyed his fallen opponent, he had given absolutely everything and was completely depleted, unable to even roll over to meet his eyes. He had refused to yield, to give in.

More, just before being flung away his finger tips had grazed Sesshomaru's arm in the faintest touch. A lesser youkai wouldn't have felt it.

"Hn."

The whip vanished and Sesshomaru took a step back, watching Itachi bleed out until he 'died'. He would reform by the next day, for hell was an eternity of the same as Dante had once remarked.

Sesshomaru could not recall the last time someone had touched him in battle, especially one who had been born human.

Calmly that evening he passed Kagome who was weaving deadly blooms into a beautiful bouquet with Jakotsu and inclined his head once he had her attention.

"Passable, Miko. You may keep the ninja."


	16. smile

Day after day...or at least that's how it seemed, but again Itachi had no idea if it was days or nights or weeks...he trained with Sesshomaru.

What that meant was he was killed in brutal ways after he'd exhausted himself.

Every day though he lasted a fraction of a second longer, as his speed and skill increased. It certainly wasn't from Sesshomaru becoming predictable.

Like the time he became a fucking giant dog.

His smallest claw was bigger then Itachi's entire body!

Yeah. Those deaths...those really hurt.

Somehow though knowing Kagome would be there when he formed the next day, and going on about how amazingly he did..

made dying worth it.

For once it wasn't about becoming better, or protecting someone, or duty...

He just liked to see her smile.


	17. Good boy!

For everyone reading it. :) I'm hoping to have smaller but more frequent updates. I've no idea if/when this fic will end by the way as a warning...

()()()()()()()

"Why the fuck you training the human anyways?" Inuyasha was crouched in as non threatening a way as possible while still daring to question Sesshomaru. Again, here as a hanyou in Hell his demon blood took full control and his instincts were actually -more- canine then even the full blooded dog demons. A fricken pat on his head from Sesshomaru, the few times he'd care to do it, actually made his hind legs twitch like he had a tail wagging behind him.

Nor did he care. Hell, kinda changed a man. Dog. Demon. What ever. Speaking of he wondered just where his old man was..huh...

elegant claws ran down Inuyasha's raggedy mane of hair before Sesshomaru withdrew it to resume writing. He did always get some amusement at Inuyasha perching by his desk like a pet...then again, he was also slightly behind Sesshomaru which showed how much he trusted his little brother. Alive he'd wanted him dead..now that they were both dead?

Well perhaps it was the fact he'd finally learned his place instead of constantly betraying his family, all unwittingly, and yes Sesshomaru accepted that partly the blame that his little half sibling didn't know how to behave was his fault...

He kind of enjoyed Inuyasha's foul smelling company these days.

"What was tainting Kagome so swiftly." It wasn't a question. It was -never- a fucking question with Sesshomaru. He -knew- the answers after all. Inuyasha thought this to himself careful to keep his tongue from moving and saying it aloud. Yeah. Sesshy got pretty pissy when he back talked..even if he seemed highly amused while whooping your ass if you did it in a way showing you got how superior he was. The jerk.

"The fucking ninja?"

"Hn." Sesshomaru rewarded him with another pat to the head, and waited. Despite all of his many, many, many other flaws...Sesshomaru had to admit Inuyasha was a decent tactician in the end. Not only that he had a strange ability to beat odds that just should have destroyed him. It was a useful gift. So he overlooked the somewhat slow reasoning ability his little brother had. After all to think on ones feet couldn't be waited on in battle to be learned. Hm. He could have worded that better...

"Oh. So by you keeping him busy, so he's usually dead before she sees him or gets to see him long before you kick his ass up and down and slaughter him like a rabbit..you get to have fun, you get to punish im for looking at Kagome like he does..though he's so fucking oblivious..an we keep Kags longer!"

"good boy."

"Hey!"

Sesshomaru just lifted a brow, and Inuyasha whined. "Don't I get a scritchie?"

"...Want a bone?"

Yeah. There was that leg twitch...

"Go rip one out of Jakotsu for using the pervert speech."

"WHOOF~!"


	18. Jaken's observance

Jaken watched quietly as Kagome managed a few moments to talk to the newest whipping boy of Sesshomaru.

They had precious few moments to talk, and yet..

Jaken's eyes narrowed. He had served the powerful great and terrible father of the two inu boys. He still sometimes was able to go to the realms reserved for those of such immense power it made the air itself oppressive just from their casual thoughts. He -knew- of the many affairs of the terrible General of all Dogs long before he had Sesshomaru, and long before he fell for the soft eyes and loving heart of a human princess.

No one could say that their sire had not been charming. He'd often played at games of courtly love. Not taking a woman's favors but charming them, wooing them, never touching them. It was a chaste game of emotions and power..and part of the reason he had been so sought after. It wasn't any small ability to woo Sesshomaru's mother after all!

The attentions of his terrible master had been the stuff of many legends, and the jokes had often been said that he was a kitsune in the wrong form. Once he had humored a young Jaken, before he shrank and wrinkled with age, and told him he did it because the physical pleasures were fleeting. However the emotional ones were long lasting and sweeter for their bitterness.

He watched the way the two young ones with very old eyes spoke together, smiled, rarely touching. The way the anger and coldness softened the lines of the ninja as he spoke with the priestess.

His lord would be pleased when he pointed out something. While they were not unaware of the other's appearance and attractiveness, it was not the main factor. It was an aside. There was a gentle emotion brewing there, one fluttering like a soft little newborn mouse in it's nest. One infinitely more fragile and delicately forming then the one the priestess had shared with Inuyasha.

Perhaps this was one damned soul whom would not in time, taint the priestess so.

Perhaps...that was why Sesshomaru was really training him.

…...

Or he just liked keeping them all bloody and humble. There was that too.


End file.
